A Granddaughter Confesses


Confession: I haven’t taken a spin class since 5th November.

Why on earth do I recall so specifically the last time I took a spinning class? Well, because it was the same day that my Granddad passed away. I remember changing into my gym kit when my mum approached me to double check I hadn’t changed my mind to visit my Granddad in hospital. I firmly declined because I had already been to visit him at the start of the week, which was devastating and I swore to myself that I wouldn’t see my him like that again. I did not want my final memories of my Granddad to be of a fragile old man waiting on death’s door. And in a selfish way I wanted to get away from it.

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But naturally I spent the entire class wondering whether I should have gone to see my Granddad one last time. When the forty five minute class concluded I felt deflated and pathetic. I had a strange notion rush over me that I had missed my last chance to see him alive again. He died later that evening.

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Since, I seemed to have attached a lot of personal stigma to taking another spin class. I couldn’t face going back and reliving the memories and above all the guilt for choosing a spin class over him.

Five months later, my mum comes up to me with a fun announcement that a load of people who she works with are doing a long bike ride around the forest in a little while. We are both well up for joining in but the only issue is that although we’re both fairly fit neither of us have been on a bike for years.

Mum suggested taking up spin class as a way of helping us train. I quite like the idea of going back with my mum as we do all our classes together, so it will be especially good to have her by my side for this one. So this Saturday we’re going to spin together, it will be my mum’s first class and my first one since November. I’m quite looking forward to it, but I think I will inevitably think a lot about the last time I took that class.

I wonder if the initial return will break the spin class stigma or if it has to get easier in time?

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